KIDS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS

One liners from the 6 and under crowd:

"Yeah, well... don't buy many because if I don't like it, I'm not going back" - from a new kindergartener whose Mom said she was going to purchase his new school clothes.

"Not enough... They said I have to go back!" - response from a child when asked what they learned at their first day of school.

"E-I-E-I-O" - A new kindergartener proudly informed his parent he had learned how to spell "farm."

"Yeah, an' he even SMELLS brand new... 'cept sometimes he smells a little spoiled" - When asked about his newborn brother who just came home from the hospital.

The reward for a teacher is not so much in the form of a paycheck. Lord knows, teachers in the US are not paid in proportion to their importance to our society. The real reward is in seeing the world through the eyes of a child - the wonder of learning a new skill, the excitement of discovery, the innocence of the open mind, the raw observation of life in its un-adult-erated form (pun intended).

Snow Driving... when NOT to go

OK, let's get this straight. If you are NOT a good driver, then DO NOT go out when it's a growing snowstorm. If the nervous ninnies would just get a ride home, we'd all get home sooner and not miss Dr. Phil.  I live in Tennessee. We don't get a lot of snow but this winter has been... uh.. bountiful.. sometimes we got as much as 3.5 inches in my area (wow. one time.)

On the way home today, there was a half-mile long line of cars in the right lane. I managed to get by on the left lane and make my way toward the front to see the cause. The problem: a snow plow truck in the left lane and a car just behind it in the right lane - but not passing it. No one could get past the pair. At the time there was less than a half inch of watery slush on the road. We were going about 10 mph. - maybe 15 at times.

The car holding things up was a Mercury Grand Marquis. (Need I say more?) The driver was apparently afraid of the 2 foot high plume of scraped slush being thrown by the truck, so they just stayed there next to the truck - NOT slowing down and moving over, NOT pulling off the road - and NOT just going on around the truck.

Who told them they could arbitrarily decide the highway speed for all the people behind them? I'm not talking about driving fast, or even the speed limit under such moderately bad conditions. I'm talking about using that little piece of mirror that hangs from your car roof and then being CONSIDERATE of all those around you. The biggest cause of road rage is impatience (mine included!) but it is acerbated by those who just don't use good judgement. Some of the worst driving conditions are between our ears! Ever see someone driving out of your neighborhood with just a tiny hole scraped in the windshield frost? Same thing. The same mode of non-thought is demonstrated by people who take flash pictures at a concert in a football stadium - as if that tiny bulb would illuminate the entire distance from their seat to the stage - but I digress, sorta.

I want a license plate printed in mirror-reverse. I want it on the front of my car so when people actually USE their rear-view mirror (for something other than checking makeup), they will read "DON'T GO FASTER / JUST MOVE OVER!" Maybe I'll have it stenciled on the hood, like ambulances.

I also understand why it is against the law to have loaded weapons in a vehicle.

[voice like talking to a child] See the little fluffy flakes? That means the road will be slippery and make you scared, so think twice about going somewhere until it melts - or get a ride - or just move to the right lane and put on your caution flashers, then check your rear-view mirror to see if you just need to pull off and let all that mile-long line of backed up traffic go by.

Going to take extra BP meds now. Drive considerately - the life you save may be mine.

OK, so now it's texting that is out of hand.. or IN hand

We've all seen it: the teen walking around the store, following the parent as they shop. However, all you see of the teen is the top of their head. They walk around texting constantly, never looking up, just keeping Mom's back in their peripheral vision. I've seen them walk into poles, into clothes racks, other people (arrgh!). Nothing like seeing one get cut off by the rotating doors of a store. They suddenly jerk their heads up, thumbs still pressing keys, eye wild in confusion "Where am I?" "How did I get here from home?" "What day is it?"

Ever try to talk to one? Give it a try.
Sample replies: "yuh" "nuh" "mm?" "that's 'kay" "Seeya"

Now it's ADULTS doing it. I saw a new Caddy CTS on I-40 doing the Hundred Yard Mosey in the right lane, the driver's head down as he feverishly mashed his Blackberry... I passed and honked briefly. He jumped like I'd shot him, yanked the steering wheel and nearly ran off the road as his head jerked up. I waved, smiled at his bug-eyed stare, pointed to his front tire, mouthed something unintelligible, then moved on. He mumbled something that I COULD understand, then went back to his texting...

Usually that routine makes them pull off the road to see what's wrong with their tire.

I do odd things with my phone when I want to tell people something...I CALL them. I can talk at better than 200 words per minute. No texter can beat that. GTG PIR CYL8R
<>Beeep

Arrrgh! What Is It About Cell Phones?

OK, I try to be neutral about this because everyone (or nearly everyone) has one. I can stay silent no longer. I want to scream "Put the stupid phone down and look around! Love the life that is passing you by while you stand glassy-eyed, seeing nothing as you press that little piece of microwave technology to your head, frying your brains. If it's not talking on it, it's playing an idiotic game on it. CONVERGENCE is supposed to be a term that speaks of how technological things are beginning to combine themselves into hybrid multi-function devices. However, it does not necessarily mean these devices IMPROVE humankind...

Lately, it seems that wherever I go, I see some teen or nearly-teen standing around with a phone hanging on her ear, especially in a store or the mall. Or, it's a soccer Mom bringing her child to school and can't stop talking on the cell phone long enough to tell her child good-bye. I saw a child walk away the other day, downcast because Mom shushed him when he was trying to tell her something. She was just way too busy to listen to him -- just wanted to get rid of him. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt; perhaps her phone call was very, very important. (Ten minutes later I saw her walk out of the school, still talking--laughing her way to her car.) Sheesh.

And then there's the SUV/cellphone thing. It seems whenever I'm stuck behind some SUV that is lugging along about 7 mph under the speed limit in the inside lane and I'm late to teach my 3040 class, it's someone blithely chatting away, oblivious to the problem being created. Notice I stayed judiciously away from mentioning the sex of the person attached to the phone? At first, my sexist, chauvinist ego thought it was females; however, the more I look... but that's another rave for another day.

<<>> beep.

Everyone Should Have a Blog

People are always wanting to sound off about something. You read it in books, Letters to the Editor, graffiti, bumper stickers, and any other mode of communicating your message. Blogs are merely the next step in self-publishing your opinion.

Come to think of it, it's kind of a narcissistic process - believing that someone else really wants to know what you think about a topic. Oh well, it beats exploding at a waitress in some Denny's in the middle of the night. Exploding doesn't get people's opinions seriously considered (yeah, and creating a worldwide blog does?).

More to come (no doubt).

DrJ